hope i didn’t speak too soon, my eyes have always followed you around the room; cause you’re the only God that I will ever need, I’m holding on and waiting for the moment for my heart to be unbroken by the sea
soul searching never hurts. it’s refreshing, almost like a new breath of air and a new energy you can carry on your days with. but right now i’m beyond tired, and i should be studying since i didn’t before. problem is I never want to. so i’ll lay on my couch and put on some music that will soothe the soul.
Watching this movie for my Italian American class. Second time watching it and I can’t get over it. Even had goosebumps when George tells Mary he’ll lasso the moon. But just the overall message; so simple yet it blows my mind. George always put everyone before him, and when he encounters his own trouble, the whole town comes running to help him. I can connect to this movie is so many ways. It’s what I want, to help people. And the love him and his wife share. I can cry. I’m feeling so lonely tonight and want to have a long heartfelt talk with someone. Maybe it’s the fact that I do know and don’t know what to do in my near future. But I have to start doing instead of waiting to do something productive at 1 in the morning. Being stagnant can really drive me crazy sometimes. Praying my heart out.
One year to the day. Can’t believe it. It’s cloudy today just like last year, except I’m home alone. I remember this day just like yesterday, and could never forget it. Stone Harbor with your brothers, Aunt G, and Rodge. Asking him for permission to date you and him thinking we already were. Pizza and Springers. Green teeth. Blasting music with my mom. Going to the beach as it started to drizzle. Aunt Gina trying to work her iPhone and just being her. Taking this picture. I was so nervous asking you, but yet so excited. I knew it was going to be good. I still have the broken shell that I carved our initials with in the sand. I didn’t want to leave at all that day. Saying “see you soon” was so hard to do, because they never feel like they come soon enough. Jumping out of the car to kiss you one more time…
I know I told you this, but thank you for everything. I mean it. I miss you and think about you often and always in my heart. I know we’ll both be ok. I know you’re super busy already with college and so proud and happy for you. Don’t get too crazy now. :)
PS- You’ll always have the most beautiful smile to me.
i think one of the most important things in relationships, no matter at what stage, is that it is ok to miss one another, but not to get too caught up in it to the point where it immobilizes you. there will always be a time to miss them, and for them to miss you, whether it’s laying bed and just thinking about them or in the middle of the day where you see something that reminds you of them. but it’s important we learn to smile at that moment and not let it stop you from enjoying the rest of your day. somedays will be harder than others but it’s important to keep enjoying life. i know it’s way easier said than done, but these are just some of my thoughts. it it’s genuine, it’s real. we don’t want to see one another in pain, and that goes for any friend, and little by little it gets easier and things tend to balance themselves out: a day from now, a year from now, or even ten.
Like a one man band clapping in the pouring rain If I know where I’m going, I don’t know from where I came Where we gonna be in summertime? And are we gonna see the heavens shine Like diamonds in the sky?
3 am walks. another cool august night. something’s missing. maybe i’m just scared of change. i miss everything. every day starts to fly by. every memory. maybe it’s just hitting me all at once. emotions of every kind running through me. i really do hope in time it’ll be ok.
one of those breezy summer nights where young couples love like no other.
Where do I even begin to describe my past 12 months? It was a journey; an adventure filled with love, craziness, surprises, heartbreak, learning, joy, happiness, friendship, fun, distance, bravery, smiles, cries, all-nighters, long heartfelt talks, and two of the biggest hearts that held each other so closely and warmly.
The moment I laid eyes on her was the moment my heart felt free again. I whispered to Michele telling her I’m going to marry that girl one day. I whispered to Mary telling her that I was freaking out-how can I feel something so fast for this girl I just met? The girl with the blue beach dress. The girl that decided to pick up a soccer ball and join us. Maybe it was fate, God winding our roads into each other to enjoy every single bit of each other. All I knew was that the moment she left to get ready my mind started racing, trying to think what I was going to say and what I was going to wear that night on the boardwalk. I took the longest shower and made sure everything was just right. I wanted to keep cool and not be obvious and come off desperate, but I was already attached somehow and by something I didn’t quite understand. That night, the boardwalk I’ve known and walked on all my summers became unfamiliar as I was enchanted by her. I couldn’t focus on anything else. I knew at the point; the next night I wanted to walk her home and tried to find any excuse I could. I didn’t want to be away from her. And to think this was only the first two days we met.
July 17th, 2010. Probably the simplest yet one of the most happiest nights of my life. Perfect summer Wildwood Crest day and night. Running shorts, sneakers, wife-beater for me; running shorts, sneakers, sports bra, shirt for her. To me, at that moment, she was the most beautiful girl in the universe. She always looks beautiful to me, in her dresses, her jeans, her outfits that I find adorable in a way where no other boy can. But those times where it was just the running shirt, sports bra, shorts, no make-up were the times where my heart couldn’t beat faster and my eyes couldn’t be brighter. That’s beauty to me. That’s happiness: where two people can feel so comfortable with each other that they don’t care what they look like in front of each other yet still having that passion for them burning like no other flame could. That’s one of the first signs of love. Anyways, back to that night. Went for a jog, didn’t last that long because we were both out of shape, sitting, talking about life, getting to know a new friend, a new person. Laying on the pier, my favorite place in the world: where I forget every single worry I ever had or have, where my worries are no match for the ocean right in front of me, where the moon is close you could kiss it, where you feel you could climb the world, and yet sharing that spot with this beautiful girl I just met a few weeks ago, but felt like so much longer. I wanted to know so much more. Both a sweaty mess, we didn’t care one bit. I thought she was even prettier. Shooting star; perfect kiss; finishing Graham Colton’s Best Days with each other. A night that will forever have it’s own spot in my heart, no matter where life is going to take me.
I remember this picture like it was last night. Getting dressed in my room, mind on nothing else but you. As I walked to your house, I was sweating profusely as I was trying to remember Italian so I could speak to Nonna. It wasn’t just the heat, I was a nervous wreck. This was your grandmother, not grandma, but grandmother. I had no idea what to expect but I knew I had to make a good impression on her because that would mean one huge step closer to your heart. I blanked out, couldn’t remember a word of Italian, but somehow I managed to squeak out something and do my best to show her that I was going to love you the best I could and that you were in good hands. That’s something that meant a lot to me: Nonna’s trust. I think that’s why I always ask about her, how she’s doing and all and making sure to send her my love. She was the one that could lead me back to you when you or I were lost or confused about life. You two are so alike and I adore it. I adore your entire family.
Our year was one of a kind. Two crazy kids in young love, not knowing where life would lead either of us in the upcoming months, but still just going with it. “Just go with it” you said to me on the bench last August. We did. We did great. I didn’t what to expect for us. I was scared, but the scared where you’re excited and knowing in your gut that it’s going to be ok- it’s going to be fun. I know you’re terrified of roller coasters, but that’s what it was. It is. Ups and downs, crazy turns, thrills, scared, exhilaration, happy. A genuine happiness and love we held, and still do in ways that only we know. So many memories, so many wonderful memories.
At the start of this summer, I had some ideas of the way things would work out but still didn’t really know what to expect. That last minute trip early June to come see you made me so incredibly happy. It was unexpected a little bit, and we just went with it. As I’m typing this, I’m quickly realizing that pretty much the best things are unexpected. Meeting you, getting caught in a rain shower where umbrellas were flying all over the place, screaming like little kids in pure joy, kissing and never wanting to stop. Those moments where you don’t think, where life is great, where you don’t take those special moments for granted because you never know when they will happen again, but that’s the key: in not knowing when they do, because when they do, you’ll be just as happy all over again.
Seeing you off at JFK as you so reluctantly went to Italia. I wasn’t going to miss that. I wonder if I just kidnapped you and just took you to Mineola for the month. Saying goodbye ”see you soon” to you and kissing you good luck on the line. The moment I walked away you immediately made friends. That was so you. Making friends in literally two seconds. Such an Olivia moment. I didn’t want to leave the sight of you. I walked away with the biggest smile though, because I knew yet again that love is the most powerful and yet the most beautiful emotion, and the love we had was so strong. I smiled because I knew love, and I knew I loved the most beautiful girl who loved me back just the same, no matter if you half the world away or an inch from my lips. I smiled because I knew you were going to do great, that you will do great. But I wasn’t just going to leave there. What else would Nicholas do? I told Rodge that I was going back on the balcony and scream your name and asked him to come with. He looked at me like a nutcase and smiled. Adeline looked at me and she had the biggest smile on her face and said I was the cutest things. I ran back, and yelled our favorite line. The woman next to you grabbed you and told you to look. The expression on your face was priceless, just like all the other times. That expression of yours that tells me it was worth it: it was always worth it.
So Olivia Juliana Quinlan, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for all the amazing memories, and who knows, maybe there is more to come. I don’t know all the answers and I have so much still to learn. We both do. And maybe life, maybe fate, maybe God will once again wind our roads into one, no matter where our paths take us. Maybe this isn’t a goodbye, but just another “see-you-soon, got it?” But for now I can smile. I can smile for us. I can smile for you and how far you’re going to go in life, with or without me. I can smile for the love we shared and for all the smiles we gave each other. I can smile for all the days where we missed each other and either you or me would make each other’s days. Promise me you’ll never stop smiling, Liv. You really do have that million dollar smile, as my dad once said. In my eyes, you have the most beautiful smile a person could ever wish to have.
"you wake up and she’s there. you eat lunch and she’s there. you get back from a long day of work and she’s there. it may feel like she’s always there, but if she’s the right one.. then it’s good. it’s really good." -everybody loves raymond